Why I'm Coming Out Now

When I first came to terms with my bisexuality a few years ago, I made a hard decision, and I was afraid. I decided not to date women and to continue to prepare for the temple and a traditional family life because I had a testimony of Christ and His love and plan for me. But I was afraid of what would happen if I came out. I was afraid of how I might be treated at BYU-Idaho. I was afraid that I might end up in a state where I could be fired or denied housing for being out. I was afraid of how people might treat my family, and I was afraid of how the people I love would treat me. I figured that there would never be any need for me to be 100% out as long as I continued to follow the gospel of Christ as I understand it. I told a few friends and family members and tried to be careful of what parts of my life and thoughts and experiences I shared with other people. 

This weekend, with the Supreme Court decision flooding so much of the current conversation, I ached for religious gay people everywhere, and especially for gay Mormons facing church today. I felt strongly that people need to know that there are gay Mormons, and that they are all over the spectrum of comfort with their sexuality and their spirituality. It is a real conflict. Some gay Mormons stay. Some leave. Some will drift in and out of activity while they try to reconcile two essential and contradictory parts of their identity. Some come out. Some don't. Some join the church when they are already out, accepting the conflict with incredible faith in Christ. 

All of them--all of us--need the Atonement of Christ and the love and support of those who believe as we do just as much as anyone. And many of us won't get that at church today. Some of us will hear ill-intentioned and hurtful things from people they love, but can no longer feel completely safe around. Some will feel even further disconnected from the body of Christ they so long to feel at home in. 

Elder Oaks spoke on this less than a year ago, and spoke powerfully about what our attitudes should be when we speak about our thoughts and feelings about political issues 

"When the resurrected Christ found the Nephites disputing over the manner of baptism, He gave clear directions on how this ordinance should be performed. Then He taught this great principle:

‘There shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.

‘For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

‘Behold, this is … my doctrine, that such things should be done away.’

“The Savior did not limit His warning against contention to those who were not keeping the commandment about baptism. He forbade contention by anyone. Even those who keep the commandments must not stir up the hearts of men to contend with anger. The ‘father of contention’ is the devil; the Savior is the Prince of Peace.”

I hope that no one reading this will continue to be the people who stir up contention and alienate those who are trying their best. I hope that everyone will react to the changing world with compassion and Christlike love and be more conscious of the impact they may have on those they care about.