Can You Imagine?

I remember memorizing Doctrine & Covenants 64:9-11 as a sophomore in high school for my early morning seminary class. Forgiveness as a Christian virtue made sense and I more or less left it there until I came across it in a recent rereading (I'll include verse 8 and my own emphasis): 

"My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened. Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds."

I can admit that my first thought upon reading this was from Hamilton:

Forgiveness. Can you imagine? 

At the time of that reading, it was a little easier to imagine forgiveness because I had watched a friend forgive a lot of people who hadn't done right by her. Not at all easy to imagine because of the situation, but because of the grace and love shown in such pure and immediate mercy. The idea snowballed: can I do that? Could I forgive myself for not being a good friend at that time? Could I forgive someone else for not understanding me sometimes? For not knowing something they had never been taught? For disagreeing with me in matters close to my heart? So I tried it. I tried to quietly think of old quarrels or not-quite-forgotten hurts to see what would happen if I just imagined what it would feel like to forgive those I was upset with. Keep in mind that I started small. The Spirit of the Lord must have been with me, because suddenly, the forgiveness was real. The anxiety and hurt faded, and it felt like I had more light in my soul; more space. More space for love and for creativity and progress. I liked how it felt. I liked that I could have that peace without waiting to drudge up the issue with the other person. It felt like leaving it up to God.

And so it still goes, months later. I haven't been able to get these verses (or that song) out of my head as I face a life and a time where there is so much to forgive of so many people. Doesn't it seem impossible? In some cases, it's still very hard to imagine. In other cases, it comes a little easier. I'm relieved that I don't need to know the whole story of these negative experiences right now. As I try leave more of the judgement to God, I am less burdened with the festering angry anxiety of enmity against anyone in any measure. It allows me to move forward with a little more ease than before. Maybe one day I can forgive as easily and as wholly as my sainted friend, or as the disgraced Mrs. Hamilton. I hope I can get better at this forgiveness thing, and at seeing the goodness and seeds of divinity in everyone. Until then, I'm glad that there is someone who has mastered this skill and is willing to lend a hand.