What it Means

A friend of mine suggested I write about what it's like--what it means--to be mentally ill and in political science. So here goes.

It means that the complexity and the importance of my field will often overwhelm me, making it hard to focus or think deeply enough about it to do good analysis. I'll shut down and be turned off from politics altogether for a while. It's not because I'm not smart enough or because I don't care. My emotions just won't let me think.

It means that my assignments and class discussions involve a lot of this kind of analysis, and it's really hard for me to keep up. It makes me feel dumb.

It means I've more or less given up on running for office, which had been my original goal. I have a very long way to go before I could handle that kind of stress.

 It means that I feel at a constant disadvantage against my brilliant friends and classmates who are going to have stellar careers and make large impacts, while my own ambitions have diminished so far as to consider not going to grad school.

But it also means that I'm learning how to help make things better for people with sicknesses like mine.

It means that my brilliant friends and classmates and professors are open-minded, understanding, and supportive.

It means that any success I have in my field will help to eliminate the stigma associated with depression and anxiety disorders.

It means that the fact I'll have a degree in the first place will mean that much more.