We the Peoples

This weekend Pi Sigma Alpha (the political science honors society) put on a UN Simulation. We spent a few hours on Friday night and all day Saturday trying to solve the world's problems.

I was part of the Executive Committee that put the whole thing together, so I didn't participate as a delegate. Instead I ran around making sure that things went smoothly and that everyone was on the same page.

We started off the evening with a General Assembly meeting, including an address from the Secretary General and some instructions.

We decorated the back of the Little Theater with various flags. It looked awesome. 

We had regional meetings after the Assembly. Some were harder to define than others.

Seriously, though. 

Madame la Sécrétaire Generale

 Most of the simulation time was spent in committees. 

 We got the Special Events Room for our floor debate! It looked AMAZING. 

While we were setting up, I noticed that the nail color I mixed myself for the occasion was spot-on!

The Togolese delegation got really into it. 

Uros represented his native Serbia and made his remarks in Serbian. He wrote an English version as well so Piers could "translate."

Spoiler: Kim Jong-il is not dead, and these days, he looks like a young white girl. 

Everyone worked really hard, and it ended up being incredible, especially considering it was built from the ground-up by American Government students. It was stressful and exhausting, but rewarding. 

January 2013 by the Pictures

I have way too many pills!

My skin is clearing up!

I'm living with Carole again!

I got new clothes for Christmas!

I learned that no one will ever know if you wear sweatpants under one of these!

I organized my books! Everything but my empty notebooks and coloring books fit on one shelf now!

I took over instagrams' #ootd

I'm taking piano again!

It snowed like mother. And was well below freezing cold. 

Athletes did dumb things.

I baked!

I practiced (while looking fabulous)

I tried to get back in the habit of weekly manicures! (Two weeks later and I still have what's left of this one)

I wore my brainy specs so I'd look authoritative teaching Gospel Doctrine!

I was really proud of this outfit.

I got ripped off by the bacon people. 

I went to a crazy paint party that was not sponsored by the school. 

I took my new Oscar de la Renta (by way of Target) bag wherever possible. 

I realized how easy it is to tell who my favorite American president is.

I said goodbye to my boyfriend Noah, who's starting flight school in Arizona. We argue Pepsi v. Coke and Twizzlers v. Red Vines a lot, so I got him his favorites. And the toys preferred by the galaxy's coolest pilot. 

I laughed at my friends while we all played with our technologies. But before that, we built a snowman, which you can read more about on their adorable blog. 

What's missing from here are other outings with Noah, political science humor, UN simulation planning, and overall doing really really well. I'm going to try to write more in February!

What it Means

A friend of mine suggested I write about what it's like--what it means--to be mentally ill and in political science. So here goes.

It means that the complexity and the importance of my field will often overwhelm me, making it hard to focus or think deeply enough about it to do good analysis. I'll shut down and be turned off from politics altogether for a while. It's not because I'm not smart enough or because I don't care. My emotions just won't let me think.

It means that my assignments and class discussions involve a lot of this kind of analysis, and it's really hard for me to keep up. It makes me feel dumb.

It means I've more or less given up on running for office, which had been my original goal. I have a very long way to go before I could handle that kind of stress.

 It means that I feel at a constant disadvantage against my brilliant friends and classmates who are going to have stellar careers and make large impacts, while my own ambitions have diminished so far as to consider not going to grad school.

But it also means that I'm learning how to help make things better for people with sicknesses like mine.

It means that my brilliant friends and classmates and professors are open-minded, understanding, and supportive.

It means that any success I have in my field will help to eliminate the stigma associated with depression and anxiety disorders.

It means that the fact I'll have a degree in the first place will mean that much more.

On Suddenly Having No Plan

Okay, so y'all are nosy and want to know about my hard times. I change what I want to do for the rest of my childless life all the time. After my most recent idea (history/civics teacher, then school administrator) lost its savor, there was nothing that replaced it. There still hasn't.

 This has me in a bit of a panic. I know lots of things that I don't want to do--like work in a quiet office, run my own business from home, or work  for someone who thinks I should devote my whole life to my job. I love my studies, but the incivility of "actual" politics makes me so sad and angry and uncomfortable, so that might not be much of an option, either.

I was really upset about not having a plan. I thrive on making plans and lists so that I know what to to do. But now I don't and that lack stressed me out to the point of anxiety. I couldn't even go to the temple about it because I started crying before I could even get on the freeway and had to turn around before I got into an accident. But I've come to understand in the past few days that right now, it's okay to only have a plan for the next three years (graduate next year, then serve a mission). It really is. Apparently it's okay to not have your life figured out at almost 21. I'm still having a hard time internalizing it, but it'll all be okay, and I'll know what to do when I need to do it. I just know it.                                                                                  

Summer Schemes

Finals Fortnight is coming along nicely. I have rides to Utah this weekend and home next week! The end is in sight, and I'm already scheming what I'll do this summer (besides working and interning and 3 online classes).

-Adventures in the city. Jazz clubs with Dallin, the Getty with Mom, temple trips with Claremont buddies, wandering in awe with Liz.

-Reading. There is so many good books I haven't read! Luckily, City Hall is right across from the public library. (Any suggestions?)

-Sewing. Well, not exactly. I recently took up cross stitching and made this for a friend. I enjoy it and want to do more!

-Come up with a rockin' way to celebrate my 21st birthday, even though it's on a Sunday this year.

-I might even finish what I started circa 1997--finally learn how to ride a bike. I have up after I broke my arm (three years after this picture.)

That will be probably more than I'll have time for. Too bad. I'm going to do them anyway.

Life Planning and the Accompanying Stress

image is mine.

When I was a senior in high school, I wasn't too worried about college and the whole process of applying and getting in.  I knew I wanted to go to a church school and just did what it took to go to one. Meanwhile, my friends stressed out, did tons of research, and prepared for the SAT as if their citizenship depended on it.

Now I understand.


If all goes according to plan, I'll graduate from BYU-Idaho in July 2013. That's 16 months away. I want to get my MPA after that--but where? Now I'm doing what my peers did looking for an undergrad program--trying to figure out where I'd like to live and study, where the good programs are, and how much each place would cost. I've also learned that I need to start studying for the GRE three months ago.

But as I've looked around, I've been excited. I know any program will be expensive, but I'm willing to do what it takes to further my education. And I'm still working on where to apply, but here's my short list.

• BYU
• La Verne
• MAYBE Loyola New Orleans. Their MPA program is also a JD program.
• LSU (added post-publishing, thanks to Sister Sant)
• Memphis 
• (If I go east, I have to go South. I'm not sure why.)
• UCI
• Cal State Fullerton

But who knows. Maybe I'll change my mind again and that will open a whole new range of options.

And that's just what's coming up later. What do I even do about the news that my internship, while still happening, will not be paid, and that any job I get while doing my internship will have to be approved by my teacher? And then how do I make time (or pay for) the 10 credits of online classes I'll be taking this summer? 

Now here's the cool part.

Yesterday as I began to process all of this information and worry about it, I opened up my scriptures to where my bookmark would have me read next--the Liberty Jail sections of Doctrine & Covenants. (For those not acquainted with LDS church history or scripture, look here.) Let me tell you, reading those words brought comfort and a reassurance that everything will work out somehow.

And it is going to be fantastic.

There is light at the end of this tunnel.

This week has been good. Oh-so busy and occasionally disappointing, but good. 

There was the blizzard that soaked my hair.

There was the chance to meet Mitt Romney I missed because there was a mix-up with rides.

There were the cool names I found while indexing.

There were all the adventures I had with my roommates (most of them without leaving the house), including leaving my milk and eggs at WalMart and watching Saturday Night Live on Hulu until 4 in the morning.

There were the 6 hours I spent in the library on Tuesday preparing for my SuperLit mid-term.

There was the photoshoot/vegetarian stir-fry/movie night with my neighbors.

There was the fact that I'm caught up on my homework now! The end of the semester is in sight! My hair is cooperative! Life really is good.

Blessings in Disguise--Three Day Weekend Edition

The plan was nearly perfect. I was going to leave late Friday night for the three-day weekend in Utah with the Morgans. While I was there, I was going to visit with long-lost friends Lisa and Virginia. Thursday night I call my ride to confirm when we were leaving and learned that I didn't have a ride anymore. For some reason she thought I wasn't coming and had filled up her car without me. I had made obligations that kept me in Rexburg until 6pm, and no one else was leaving that late. I would have to stay in town for the weekend. I was crushed.

I did what I always do when crisis strikes--called my mom. I wished I had a car of my own so that things like this wouldn't happen. I hate depending on other people to get places. But here's the rub--I'm terrible with money and broke to boot. "I'll save up for a car this summer!" I said. "I'll be so much better with my money!" "Good luck with that," said Mom. But that didn't get me to the Morgans this weekend.

But it wasn't so terrible. I got to sleep in, go shopping (probably a bad idea for the day after my aforementioned resolution), and relax on Saturday. Sunday I got a new calling (Relief Society Meeting Coordinator) and went to the Family History class.
Today I cleaned, did laundry, got tomorrow's homework done, and ran a mile. As I type this I'm avoiding doing my science homework that's due on Wednesday. (I cannot make these numbers work!) I'm ahead of schedule with my homework! When has that ever happened? I also cancelled my beloved subscriptions to Birchbox, Spotify, and Ancestry so that I can stop being poor and maybe someday have something to drive.

(This is my "my roommate just got off a 12-hour shift and I'm trying to get stuff done without waking her up" look. Impressive, right?)

There will be other weekends this semester. It's been too long since I've been to visit the Morgans and I miss them terribly. But in the end, I'm kind of glad that I had this one to be stuck in Idaho and put my life back together a little bit. 

Accomplishments of Fall Semester (So Far)

• I got a Pell Grant!
• Chelsea and I watched all six seasons (or series, as they call them in Britain) of Doctor Who in about two months. 
• I went to the BYU Law Fair and learned that I can earn a JD and a MPA at the same time. Tempting.
• I secured more convenient housing for next semester.
• I'm reading for pleasure again...and bought more new books than I should be comfortable reading. (SIX.)
• I really like all my classes. (Sometimes it's a statement, sometimes it's a reminder.)

• I'm taking pictures I can be proud of. Like this one!
• The side effects of my medicine (read: constant nausea and occasional lightheadedness) haven't killed me yet. 
• I'm a Relief Society teacher, which is my very favorite calling.
• I was a glam zombie.
• Rachel and I arranged a marriage between my brother John and her sister Sari. Just don't tell them, okay?
• I dropped my phone in milk last week. And I can still use it!

What I've Been Up To.

I finally have a copy.

My family visited.

"High five!"

 "Handshake."

Noelle and I are wordsmiths.

It's almost finals week and I'm trying really hard to be awake during the day.

You Have An Adopted Liver, Honey.*

I went incognito today with some pink lipstick. I like how it looked. 

It's been a crazy, semi-nocturnal, but still somehow wonderful and productive week. 

And then it started raining tonight. Pouring down catch-a-cold, melt-the-snow, pretty-sounding rain. Did I start jumping up and down and screaming with joy? Did immediately look for an excuse to leave the apartment?

*This was actually said in a real conversation I had this week.

Noms

I've been cooking a lot more than I usually do. I like cooking and I like eating, but when I'm "only" hungry, I usually don't make anything more complicated than pasta or dinosaur salad. Only one thing really gets me going in the kitchen: anxiety. Sometimes it's an anxious "I need to do something NOW" happiness; others times a desperate need to procrastinate or to forget that there's anything going on in my life.

Last night I was happy, but also didn't want to do homework. I donned my sexy kitchen gear:

(I promise, wearing big ol' glasses actually keeps you from crying when chopping onions)

And made burgers. 

I wish I was clever enough to think of putting the cheese in the patty, but I actually used this recipe. I used steak sauce instead of Worcestershire sauce, and it was wonderful. I made smaller patties and we still have some for lunches over the next few days.

Then since today was Mardi Gras, I felt like celebrating. Luckily for me, I have friends who live down south and know how to make beignets! Noelle and I made a bunch, then had our FHE sisters over to eat them whilst watching Princess and the Frog. 

Man-Catchin' Beignets 

(as taught by the fabulous Sister Sant)

 Buy the grands flaky rolls. They come in the tube that you peel and then bust open. Cut each roll into 4- half and then half again. In a deep pan bring oil to frying temp and drop those babies in. They cook fast so be prepared to flip and retrieve. Drain on a bunch ofpaper towels. Stick about 8 - 10 in a lunch sack with a cup of powder sugar, roll the top closed and shake. Enjoy with a cup of hot chocolate while listening to jazz on your ipod. For the full Louisiana experience eat while fully clothed in a hot steamy bathroom and it will be almost exactly like NOLA minus the smell of urine and booze.

We loved them! We're definitely going to make them again sometime soon. 

I'm giving up Catholicism for Lent this year, how about you?