Okay, so y'all are nosy and want to know about my hard times. I change what I want to do for the rest of my childless life all the time. After my most recent idea (history/civics teacher, then school administrator) lost its savor, there was nothing that replaced it. There still hasn't.
This has me in a bit of a panic. I know lots of things that I don't want to do--like work in a quiet office, run my own business from home, or work for someone who thinks I should devote my whole life to my job. I love my studies, but the incivility of "actual" politics makes me so sad and angry and uncomfortable, so that might not be much of an option, either.
I was really upset about not having a plan. I thrive on making plans and lists so that I know what to to do. But now I don't and that lack stressed me out to the point of anxiety. I couldn't even go to the temple about it because I started crying before I could even get on the freeway and had to turn around before I got into an accident. But I've come to understand in the past few days that right now, it's okay to only have a plan for the next three years (graduate next year, then serve a mission). It really is. Apparently it's okay to not have your life figured out at almost 21. I'm still having a hard time internalizing it, but it'll all be okay, and I'll know what to do when I need to do it. I just know it.
Aww *patpat*
ReplyDeleteI had no idea what I wanted to do until the middle-end of senior year, so you're ahead of me :) I've heard people say how their minds were cleared and pathways opened for them after their mission, and you're awesome so I know everything will work out splendidly for you!!
Oh boy do I feel you on this one. Like, you have no idea.
ReplyDeletehttp://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2536
This helps.
Hey brooke,
ReplyDeletelong time no...anything. haha But, speaking as a girl who just recently went through this, especially with graduation and the impending entrance into the real world: "If you wanna make God laugh, tell Him your plans." Maybe this is God's way of saying, "Hey Brooke, I love you. Trust me. I got this." A lot of times, our plans are nowhere near as incredible and satisfying as God's plan for us, so we need to trust that He will reveal Himself and His ideas for us in due time. It's hard when you're a control freak (like myself. Dude, I had a nervous break down nearly every week) but it's in those moments when God really speaks and says, "Yo, I'm the driver here, so sit in the back and let me drive."
I'm praying for you dearie.
-Aarika
Thanks, Aarika! You're exactly right. :)
DeleteHere is the advice I always wish someone had given me when I was in college and that I always want to give college students but don't because it makes me sound like an old lady - except that I'm right...and also an old lady:
ReplyDeleteTHERE IS SO MUCH TIME!!! Oh there is so much time. You have time coming out of your ears. I mean, seriously, you're like drowning in time. I know exactly what you're going through and I always hated that feeling of not having everything figured out and thinking that I was well beyond the acceptable amount of time to do so. Like there's some sort of time limit of getting your act together. But, surprise! there's not.
And besides, you have always struck me as a gal that things will work out for. And maybe you'll be someone who takes a lot of different paths to find the right one. That's called adventure.
Old lady, out!
i love you Brooke! I love everything that the old lady said ;) there is time... I need to hear that, too! Things will definitely work out.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You're awesome!
I love you Brooke!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you understand that it's ok not to have a plan for the rest of your life. I've found out that the times I have a plan are the times that my plans fall through. I think the biggest think you've got going for you is that you know what you DON'T want to do. Keep on going, you're right. When you know, you'll know. I did, but only after changing my major 3 times :)
ReplyDelete