Okay, I haven't been completely honest about my summer.

I loved my job. I really did. But spending so much time by myself and my inability to handle stress  made me feel awful. I was doing great at work, but I still felt like I was failing, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong or how to fix it. That's when I got my sunburn. It didn't help the depression. Nope. Made it worse. I got behind and my body couldn't keep up with my brain or my to-do list. and my stress kept going up and up. It was a minor miracle I got out of bed and went to work every morning. A bigger one when I got caught up or made it through the day without crying. I moved back in with my parents about a month after the scary thoughts started.  But I didn't feel any better. I started getting up earlier to work longer hours, but I could never keep up. I was still alone. I stopped eating. My work got worse and the pressure kept building. I never told anyone but my dad what was really going on because I was ashamed. I thought it was pathetic that I couldn't keep up because I was stressed and sad. I thought that I should have been stronger than that, you know? I still don't think it's a good excuse.

Now that my workweek is under 50 hours and I have roommates again, I'm doing a lot better. I really am.  And you know? This summer really was a blessing to me. I earned enough money to pay for my own school this semester. I made good friends in an amazing ward. I got to know my Savior better. Hopefully, I grew up a little bit.

Lessons I Learned (or Re-Learned) This Summer

1. When there's a job to do, get it done. 
2. That said, it's still crucial to eat three meals a day and get more than 4 hours of sleep a night. Even when you think you're too stressed out to do either.
3. Crying is not a sign of weakness.
4. You don't need a whole lot of things. They cost money.
5. Singles wards are going to have their awkward moments. Embrace them--they'll be great stories to tell later.
6. Handle situations like a mature adult. 
7. Living alone isn't that great.
8. Daydreaming about the impossible is fine as long as you can understand and accept the impossibility.
9. The Atonement isn't just for sins, but for sickness, sorrow, and pain.
10. For the love of all that's holy, wear sunscreen.

Un Coup de Soleil, Indeed.

Life's been pretty crazy lately. Living alone can be depressing. And that can make it easy to be stressed about work. And everything else.

Thursday I decided to take a half day off to go to the beach with my family. It was fun! 

There were dolphins playing close to the shore! It was a perfect day! I didn't wear sunscreen--I tan!

There I was wrong. I got a nasty sunburn. On the way home, we stopped for supplies. I got back to Claremont, unloaded some supplies, and started working. Then my sunburn really started to hurt, so I took a break to watch old episodes of Arrested Development. Then I got up to answer a text. I got dizzy and fell while replying. I got up and knew something was wrong. I felt sick. I called my mom and fell again while on the phone. I woke up on the bathroom floor with my head throbbing--I had hit it on the tile. My mom called again and I answered. She had me lie on the bed and talk to her until Dad could get to my house. I felt nauseous, I had chills, and felt like dying. She and WebMD decided that I had sun poisoning, and that's when I realized that my "falls" had been faints. My dad got there and hung out until I felt well enough to get up and go back to my parents'. Friday I was sick again, but I went back to work. Dallin actually did the bulk of it because I felt awful. Thank goodness for him!

I'm feeling better now, but my sunburn still hurts and I'm starting to peel. My friend Sabrina shared some of her Biafine, a wonderful amazing sunburn cream that they sell over-the-counter in France that has helped me heal so much more quickly. (Is that correct grammar?) Dallin and I are going to be able to catch up with work, so it's not the end of the world on that front.


Moral of the story: When at the beach,

• Wear suncreen.
• Eat.
• Don't fall asleep.

"But I Don't Know Nothin' 'Bout Love."

I've been sick all weekend. I should have known on Friday night when I fell asleep during the movie. I never fall asleep during movies! (Though I was awake long enough to learn that my brown eyes would be about as welcome in Middle Earth as they would be in Hitler's ideal world. EVERYONE in Lord of the Rings has blue eyes.) But it didn't really hit until yesterday. Today I couldn't even go to church. This is more as a disclaimer than anything else. Any of the following could  be the NyQuil talking.

Valentine's isn't for a week, but today I'm going to talk about love. The topic really came to my mind this week when I learned that a very very young friend of mine fancies himself in love. I laughed. Romeo and Juliet were in love at his age, now weren't they?

There's more to being in love than Hollywood or the book publishers would have you think. It's more than butterflies and late night conversations. It takes work and the understanding that the hormones will eventually stop raging. And knowing what to do after that. It's better than butterflies. And it takes time to get it right.

I do know where my very very young friend is coming from. It's just that the one time I really thought I was in love with someone, it didn't turn out well at all. 

Because I can't tell you from experience what being in love really is yet. I've got time to figure that all out.

Je Suis Malade. No es Bueno!

I speak mean frespañol.

But I'm also SICK. Enormous tonsils, fever, the whole thing. WebMD is no help because all the possible candidates require nausea, which is thankfully not one of my symptoms. But at least I didn't freak out and turn into my dad on that morbidly fascinating website.

I'm also 900 miles away from home and 213 miles from my closest family in South Weber. But luckily I have awesome friends like Connor who sang to me on the phone since he couldn't bring me soup (being 918 miles away in Fullerton). And Lyndsey who's offered me all the NyQuil and raspberry tea I can consume until I feel better. And Laura, Iris, and Shayna for letting me sleep and helping me out where they can.