If you could send this back to Valentine's 2009, I'd be much obliged.

Dear Brooke,

Good for you for telling that guy you had work today instead of letting him take you to a movie. You're right about him.

But don't think that means you're out of the woods yet. Prince Charming isn't going to be at high school because Prince Charming is, well, a man. You go to school with little boys. Even at college--I'll let you be surprised at which one you end up at--there will still be plenty of boys. Also, it turns out it's not common for a guy to be 6-foot-anything outside of California, so don't get hung up on appearances. Not that you do, but just keep it in mind.

Just be patient. Seriously. No one likes a bitter teenager.

You are onto something with that boy you like now, though. He's definitely your type, but it has nothing to do with his race, I promise you. Leave him be because he probably does drugs, but keep that type in mind.

Happy Valentines Day, do something fun!

Love,
Brooke

Paradise Lost: Shadows and Wings

I'm not a huge fan of techno music.  Or of opera. But Eric Whitacre, one of my favorite composers, mashed them together with the traditional musical theatre tradition to create Paradise Lost: Shadows and Wings.

The story is not based on Milton's Paradise Lost, but is actually about a tribe of angels whose parents hid them away and took their wings as children. An odd concept, true, but so is the music. It's a really beautiful and unexpected fit--like bacon in ice cream, or Bollywood and Jane Austen.

You can hear excerpts of the music by clicking here. I strongly suggest that you do.  I'm slightly addicted to "What If," "Sleep My Child," "Forgotten" and "All Alone."

"Spinster" is a funny word.

Occasionally, my young relatives ask me why I'm single, and I have no good answer for them. Next time I'll tell them it's because being a spinster gives you superpowers. I even have evidence!

Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State

Jane Austen, Author

Elizabeth I

Joan of Arc

Fun fact: I'm totally procrastinating right now.

More Lists

Mistakes I've Made So Far Today

• Sleeping in.

• Trying to uninstall/reinstall Chrome, hoping it would solve all the problems I've been having with it.

•  Not wearing gloves.

• Going to the Crossroads at 12:30.

Things I'd Rather Be Doing (As opposed to what I am doing)

• Reading. I've got Green Lantern comics, Jesus the Christ, Mansfield Park waiting for me at home. (I have reading to do for American Foundations and International Relations.)

• Sitting on the couch with a blanket and hot herb tea, watching the lovely gray day. (I'm doing homework in the library.)
• Family history research--I think I've finally found the elusive Barkowskis. (I'm "actively listening" and writing down what I hear on the radio for a mini-project.)
• Going to California. (It's supposed to snow tomorrow.)

Things I Should Be Doing (And Why)

• Not complaining. (I go to an awesome school, I have good teachers, I have friends and roommates that love me, I have a family who supports me, the temple's a ten minute walk away, and I live in the United States of America. Oh, and there's brownie batter waiting for me at home.)
• Getting back to work (I have a bit to do today.)

Lessons I Learned (or Re-Learned) This Summer

1. When there's a job to do, get it done. 
2. That said, it's still crucial to eat three meals a day and get more than 4 hours of sleep a night. Even when you think you're too stressed out to do either.
3. Crying is not a sign of weakness.
4. You don't need a whole lot of things. They cost money.
5. Singles wards are going to have their awkward moments. Embrace them--they'll be great stories to tell later.
6. Handle situations like a mature adult. 
7. Living alone isn't that great.
8. Daydreaming about the impossible is fine as long as you can understand and accept the impossibility.
9. The Atonement isn't just for sins, but for sickness, sorrow, and pain.
10. For the love of all that's holy, wear sunscreen.

Actually, I Just Hate to Go Up Stairs Slowly.

I never thought it was possible, but I may have run out of things to say for the time being.

I've got a lot on my mind, just not anything I can publish.

I'm just cold. So you guys get this today.



Okay, and maybe some thoughts on homesickness. (Okay, so I really never run out of things to say.) I don't think I've ever really been homesick. Occasionally I miss certain people (except I miss Minnie all the time), or going certain places, but I've never just ached to be back in California. Even when I went to Italy when I was 15, I only missed my mom, Dallin and Minnie a little bit. (Sorry, rest of the family. You know how I was at that age.)

But I do miss the way things were sometimes. A lot of my friends are going on missions and getting married and having babies and it's just weird. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of terrified to grow up. It's like I have this enormous canvas and some oil paints in front of me. I have a basic idea of what I want to paint, but what if I choose the wrong colors or designs or I accidentally punch a hole in it? It's daunting. I hate getting things wrong.

image via

But of course, being scared of the future won't make it go away. All you can do is be prepared. (And "if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear," right?)

Side note to the curious: The title of this post is part of one of the other things on my mind. Don't read too much into it.

Not all of us are Nancies, Sarahs, and Hillaries.

A new semester has begun, and I am totally excited about it. I'm finally at work on some political science classes! (That's my major, in case you didn't know.)

But something I noticed in my American Government class is a mostly guys. I don't know how that reflects for everyone studying poli sci, but my gut says that there aren't a whole lot of us ladies. But I totally get that. It's not interesting to a lot of people (sad day) and no one wants to draw the comparisons to Sarah Palin (dumb) or Hillary Clinton (soulless).

I think that my being a girl has a lot to do with how people react when I tell them my major. (Yes, a girl. The law says I'm a woman, but I still have a whole lot of growing up to do.) I've noticed that there are about six main reactions I get from people.

1. Fear -- Only seen in the eyes of weak men. "That sounds smart..."
2. Surprise-- People who don't know me well peg me as a music or English major."Oh, what made you want to choose that?"
3. Douchebaggery-- Jerks think that there is no way in this universe that I could snag the dream job--Governator.* "You know you're a woman, right?"
4. Camaraderie-- "Hey, me too! What's your emphasis?" (American Government)
5. Excitement -- The rarest. "I would totally vote for you!"
6. Some people are tactful enough to cover up what they're really thinking--probably #2 or #3.  Either that or they just don't care. "Oh, that's cool."

*It's very unlikely, but you don't just bash someone's dream job like that!
 

To end, I'm changing the subject to this amazing picture. My youngest brother Noah was baptized on Saturday by my oldest (but still younger) brother Dallin. How neat is that?

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

I adore Jane Austen novels. She had great characters, great stories, and killer sense of humor. I've only read four of her six, but I'm getting Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey as late Christmas gifts for me.

I know sister-brother Chris hates Austen's style and can't understand why I like it so much, but he also enjoys Tolstoy.But I do think I know why we women like Jane Austen so much.

1. The Lifestyle

Women with any money or status in Austen's day had only a few duties: be pretty and accomplished so you can marry a nice rich guy and raise good kids. Sounds good to me!

2. The Men

Mr. Knightley. Colonel Brandon. Edward Ferrars.Mr. Willoughby (who I love despite his many shortcomings.) Captain Wentworth. Mr. Darcy. Need I say more?

3. We can RELATE.

Most women know what it feels like to have a secret they can't tell. Or how it feels to be led on. Or to maybe be in love for the first time. Or to be caught in a triangle. Or to really, truly, hate/love a guy. Or to play matchmaker and have it go wrong.Or to love and lose. So on and so forth. Austen finds a way for all of these to go right for the heroine and her loved ones. It gives us hope.

My favorite? Emma. #3 is a big factor for that. I see a lot of myself in Emma. I should be more like the heroine of my second favorite, Persuasion. Austen herself said that Anne Elliot was "almost too good for [her]." But I learn something about myself, those around me, and people in general when I read Austen novels. I could even sympathize with Fanny at the end of Sense and Sensibility! She's a horrid person, but it must suck to hate both of your sisters-in-law! Alright, I'm done now. I'm going to go read some more.

mmm Whatcha Say?

I've been a musician most of my life. I love love love music. I sang by myself in sacrament meeting for the first time when I was four. In high school, I performed in St. Mark's Basilica in Venice and Carnegie Hall in New York.

I'm a sucker for a powerful melody, but I often have to find a cover because I don't like the original performer's voice. Case and point: "Wonderwall" by Oasis. It's a gorgeous song and the words make me smile. However, Liam Gallagher has one of the most grating voices I've ever heard. I can't listen to the song because my quest for the ultimate cover has so far been in vain. Ben Folds made it easy by releasing an album called "Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella!"

While a good melody draws me in, THE most important part of a song has always been the lyrics. I've had to get rid of a lot of good songs because they were only good until I listened to the words. It's why I can never watch RENT again. Some songs I can't listen to because the lyrics are just dumb, like "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt.

Songs like Nickelback's "Rockstar," Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," and Usher's "Yeah!" have no place in decent society. If people really took the time to care about lyrics, I honestly believe the world would be a better place.

It really bugs me when people intentionally ignore the lyrics of a song because of a beat or melody. Music is so powerful, and I only want it influencing me for good. I had to learn this the hard way at the Nickelback concert I went to before I left for Rexburg. I'm not proud of the way I acted that night. And while going to the David Archuleta concert tonight would probably be a positive experience, I don't like his music enough to go by myself. I'm trying to scalp my ticket.

Any takers?

An Introduction to My Inner Dialogue Whilst Blogging

Hmmmm. I should probably post something. What should I blog about? My recent Glee marathon with Lyndsey? My productive Saturday and going to the Jim Brickman concert with Mary? I don't know. Hey! What's this button over here? Monetize? That has the word 'money' in it! Wow. I can make money off of this? This is potentially less painful than selling my plasma (or getting a real job)! Wait. People need to actually read my blog for this to work? Hmmm. I'll need to think about this for a while.

Love and Learn

That's what life at BYU-Idaho's all about.

Like loving late nights and learning to not have them so often.

(Check out those bags!)

Or loving good food and learning that sometimes you have to have Ramen instead to save money.

Like learning about French food and loving a jambon-beurre. Il fait de baguette, de buerre, et de jambon blanc. C'est tout! (The $1.99 baguette was so worth it. It'll probably make about three good sized sammiches.)

Like learning that your roommates won't always be who you planned on, but loving the girls you had planned on anyway! Ashley (left) and Ryanne ended up not rooming with me as we had planned and requested, but I still see Ryanne in Women's Glee and the both of them at church. Tonight they were so kind as to bring me a DELICIOUS homemade cinnamon roll. There is no picture of it. That is how good it is.

Une Tendre Miséricorde

The other day I noticed that the book I had bought for my Humanities 201 class had not come. I went to eBay and filed my complaint. I recieved a refund, but still needed to find a book.

Then last night as I was up watching Reno 911! with my dad, I thought that maybe I should look at my schedule and see if I could get some things changed around. I had really wanted to take French 201 which I'm able to do because of my 3 on the AP French exam. It was full, so I signed up for Humanities 201 in the same time slot. But lo and behold when I checked today - ONE spot open in French 201.

When I added it and dropped the Humanities class, I still had tons of credits. So I dropped the film class I had only added because I needed more credits.

Et voila! Un calendrier de merveilleux!
(And voila! A wonderful schedule!)

I start everyday at 7:45. Writing Communication Careers Monday/Wednesday/Friday, Book of Mormon Tuesday/Thursday. Next is French from 10:15-11:15 Monday-Thursday. Then Art & Propaganda in the 20th Century from 12:45-1:45 Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Monday/Tuesday/Thursday also brings Women's Choir from 3:15-4:15...which reminds me, I should start working on an audition...something.

Not to mention Tuesday devotionals, FHE, and all the fun stuff that comes from being up at the Y.

I'm leaving in 8 days! Wooo!

P.S. The title of this post is French for "a tender mercy."

It's Like Helter Skelter All Over My Brain!

Okay, so I've never been a real fan of The Beatles. I mean, I like their SONGS, but I always thought that their versions were poorly performed and lame.

However, I have ALWAYS loved the Across the Universe versions.

I don't reccomend the movie, but the soundtrack is a MUST-BUY. It features the lovely voices of Evan Rachel Wood (who will be playing Mary Jane in the Spiderman Musical), Joe Anderson, T.V. Carpio, Dana Fuchs, and the to-die-for-oh-so-sexy Jim Sturgess.

Picture THAT face with a good voice and a BRITISH ACCENT. Just perfect.

So yeah. Beatles = bad.

Until this week.

I found myself actually listening to The Beatles with my family the other day and enjoying it. So that's it, then. I'm a Beatles fan. I know. I can't believe it either.