On Feminism, Femininity, and Having It All [With Post-Edit]

I am not a feminist. I recoil at the sound of the word and resent the attitude associated with it. Yes, a woman in the workplace should earn just as much as her male co-workers doing the same job. Yes, women are capable of jobs other than teaching or nursing. No, men are not superior to women.

But my problem with feminism comes when it tries to tell me this lie:

You can have it all. 

Having it all can mean different things to different women. It can be the balance between career and family. It could be the expectation of finding a fairy-tale romance living a terribly unprincess-like life. (By this I simply mean that she's not being the kind of woman her Prince Charming would want.) At its core, "having it all" is denying your femininity while expecting to reap all of its benefits. 

Twenty-first century America is so inundated by this way of thinking that it's clouded our ability to understand literature and history. Works like Romeo and Juliet or The Scarlet Letter are lost on us because we can't wrap our head around the state of women's rights before The Feminine Mystique and just take them for what they are.  

Feminism made women rougher around the edges in all the wrong ways. Please, someone tell me how taking on qualities like crudeness and insensitivity and more overt sexuality in an effort to overcome their "oppression" has made women any more free!  

I'm glad I have the opportunity to become a lawyer and conquer the world if I want to. But why would I want to when I understand that I can do the most good as a wife and mother? The same goes for all women! We can't have it all and be happy because a big part of happiness as a woman is embracing our God-given feminine callings.

Post-edit: Until the whole wife/mother thing works out, I'm still going to pursue my law career. I hope no one took it that way.

Plus it has Jimmy Fallon on it.

‎"Vanilla bean ice cream with a salty caramel swirl and fudge-covered potato chip clusters." 

It doesn't sound as good as bacon ice cream, but I'm still interested. If this is the kind of food I think sounds good now, what monstrosities will I try when I'm pregnant one day? 

Oh, goodness, let's not think about that today.

21

I made a post a few weeks ago about how I'd found a song I could listen to over and over again--"Someone Like You" by Adele. Last night,  the album it came from, 21,  was (finally) available in the United States! Okay, I waited until it was midnight on the east coast and immediately downloaded it. Beth and I are in love  in obsessed with it. In fact, we're listening to it now.

Adele has this rich and soulful voice and great control over it. Sometimes there are little squeaks or growls or she'll edge over her break less than gracefully, but Beth made the point that those imperfections in her voice make it even more beautiful. I'm (maybe) starting to get to the age and maturity where I can actually really understand a love song, and hers are complex and sweet and powerful. They get you thinking about what "having it all" means, what it is you want out of a relationship, waiting on a second chance, heartbreak, and (since we're just out of our teens here,) keeping up with rumors.

Overall, this album is my new favorite. I highly recommend it.

"Spinster" is a funny word.

Occasionally, my young relatives ask me why I'm single, and I have no good answer for them. Next time I'll tell them it's because being a spinster gives you superpowers. I even have evidence!

Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State

Jane Austen, Author

Elizabeth I

Joan of Arc

Fun fact: I'm totally procrastinating right now.

I'd Like to See You Try.

How in the world am I supposed to do homework when my screen looks like this? 

I guess I could just wait 5 minutes for the desktop to change into something less irresistible. 

To Pixie or not to Pixie?

I've had my on-again-off-again fling with short hair over the years. 

Every time, I've regretted it, and vowed to never cut it again. But I think that with my color/sun/time damaged hair, it's time to get serious about keeping it short. I think it suits me better. And when I say serious, I mean Carey Mulligan serious.

I know I've ignored y'all in the past, but what say you, readers? The plan is that once I have a little extra money (so maybe in a few weeks months years), I'll just chop it all off like this. And see how nicely  it grows out on her? I really think this could work, guys.

Moments of Elegant Leisure

I have the rest of the summer off. For the first time in a long time, I'm deriving more pleasure from...well, everything. Especially:

photography,

eating,

(aren't I classy?)

dressing up,

I got dressed up for a wedding reception. My mom and I went grocery shopping right after, and I'm told the cute cashier was checking me out. Yeaaaaaah.

and just being with friends.

Wait a Minute...

You never know what could set you laughing on the inside all day long. Today, it was this shirt.

On this boy.

And he wanted to show me how to drink from a water bottle. And watch cartoons on my iPod. And read Dr. Seuss. And "help" with orders. And everything else the world has to offer a two-year-old.

Or this kid. He asked if we could have a party when he found out that we would be the only ones home tonight. Luckily, his idea of a party is playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl on the Wii.

I felt like baking today. It's nice to be at home where my mom has a KitchenAid and a convection oven and everything I need for chocolate cupcakes and buttercream frosting. (I always bake from scratch!)

 (Okay, the blue and yellow frosting came from a can. But it was fun to decorate some of them!)

Geez,how did this turn into a Mom Blog? I'm only 18! Just look at this post--it goes from toddler to eight-year-old to baking completely effortlessly. I think this means I need a date. Or at the very least a girls' night out. Or a life in general. Anyone who wants to help in this effort will be compensated in dumb jokes and baked goods!

Charity Never Faileth

Today I read this wonderful post on c jane's blog. I was really struck by this comment of hers:
"I think that energy is created when two women respect and admire each other[...]and what if every woman felt that way towards every other woman? Imagine the energy that would fill this planet. It would cure disease, stop wars and wipe out social ills."

I believe that. I really do. I've felt it at Girls Camp, in Relief Society, in the little book club I was a part of before college.  That energy can do all kinds of good. It could go to serving the needy and the poor in spirit. To teaching children correct principles. I think that this energy is just the way we feel charity.

Last night I was telling a friend from back home about how I had taught Relief Society that morning. I struggled a little to try to explain it to her. She had gathered that it was just womens' Bible Study, but it's so much more! It's about creating and channeling this charitable energy into building the Lord's kingdom on Earth. I love it.

"I have a Fifth Sense. It's like I have ESPN or Something."

You know what I don't understand? Girls.

Not the way my brother Dallin* doesn't understand them. More like the way Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand them at the beginning of Mean Girls. I grew up with all brothers and mostly guy cousins and lots of guy friends and smart girlfriends. I can only think of two major instances of drama since 7th grade--one caused by a crazy "friend" and the other by a mom who jumped to her own conclusions about my motives. I did my best to handle it maturely and things were worked out in a timely manner. But I've recently become aware of some sort of secret girl code involving the rules of drama and crap like that. And apparently I've broken some recently.

Personally, I think it's pretty much the dumbest thing in the world. That whole culture is based on the assumption that every other girl is a petty slut. I'm glad I don't speak Girl. I'd rather speak Woman. Or Audrey Hepburn.

*A worse sister would include a picture from his first date last month. But that's Mom's job.

Not all of us are Nancies, Sarahs, and Hillaries.

A new semester has begun, and I am totally excited about it. I'm finally at work on some political science classes! (That's my major, in case you didn't know.)

But something I noticed in my American Government class is a mostly guys. I don't know how that reflects for everyone studying poli sci, but my gut says that there aren't a whole lot of us ladies. But I totally get that. It's not interesting to a lot of people (sad day) and no one wants to draw the comparisons to Sarah Palin (dumb) or Hillary Clinton (soulless).

I think that my being a girl has a lot to do with how people react when I tell them my major. (Yes, a girl. The law says I'm a woman, but I still have a whole lot of growing up to do.) I've noticed that there are about six main reactions I get from people.

1. Fear -- Only seen in the eyes of weak men. "That sounds smart..."
2. Surprise-- People who don't know me well peg me as a music or English major."Oh, what made you want to choose that?"
3. Douchebaggery-- Jerks think that there is no way in this universe that I could snag the dream job--Governator.* "You know you're a woman, right?"
4. Camaraderie-- "Hey, me too! What's your emphasis?" (American Government)
5. Excitement -- The rarest. "I would totally vote for you!"
6. Some people are tactful enough to cover up what they're really thinking--probably #2 or #3.  Either that or they just don't care. "Oh, that's cool."

*It's very unlikely, but you don't just bash someone's dream job like that!
 

To end, I'm changing the subject to this amazing picture. My youngest brother Noah was baptized on Saturday by my oldest (but still younger) brother Dallin. How neat is that?

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

I adore Jane Austen novels. She had great characters, great stories, and killer sense of humor. I've only read four of her six, but I'm getting Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey as late Christmas gifts for me.

I know sister-brother Chris hates Austen's style and can't understand why I like it so much, but he also enjoys Tolstoy.But I do think I know why we women like Jane Austen so much.

1. The Lifestyle

Women with any money or status in Austen's day had only a few duties: be pretty and accomplished so you can marry a nice rich guy and raise good kids. Sounds good to me!

2. The Men

Mr. Knightley. Colonel Brandon. Edward Ferrars.Mr. Willoughby (who I love despite his many shortcomings.) Captain Wentworth. Mr. Darcy. Need I say more?

3. We can RELATE.

Most women know what it feels like to have a secret they can't tell. Or how it feels to be led on. Or to maybe be in love for the first time. Or to be caught in a triangle. Or to really, truly, hate/love a guy. Or to play matchmaker and have it go wrong.Or to love and lose. So on and so forth. Austen finds a way for all of these to go right for the heroine and her loved ones. It gives us hope.

My favorite? Emma. #3 is a big factor for that. I see a lot of myself in Emma. I should be more like the heroine of my second favorite, Persuasion. Austen herself said that Anne Elliot was "almost too good for [her]." But I learn something about myself, those around me, and people in general when I read Austen novels. I could even sympathize with Fanny at the end of Sense and Sensibility! She's a horrid person, but it must suck to hate both of your sisters-in-law! Alright, I'm done now. I'm going to go read some more.