Flashback.

 I'm exhausted today and still have some homework. So you get to read something I wrote back in senior year for the cute kid in my AP French class.


What a Smile Can Do, 14 October 2008

from across a room i couldn’t help but notice
your smile.
how could i have never noticed
your smile?
it betrays a subtle something in you,
this smile.
a pure bright sweetness shows itself
in your smile.
and i find myself with
a sudden smile of my own.
don’t stop. it darkens the room
when you don’t smile.
i’d really love to know you - the boy
with the perfect smile.
but i’m having such a hard time. why?
how can i be afraid of such a smile?
maybe it’s because
you won’t smile for me.
after all,
who can smile for a smitten fool?
wait.
word on the street is you can.

=]

If you could send this back to Valentine's 2009, I'd be much obliged.

Dear Brooke,

Good for you for telling that guy you had work today instead of letting him take you to a movie. You're right about him.

But don't think that means you're out of the woods yet. Prince Charming isn't going to be at high school because Prince Charming is, well, a man. You go to school with little boys. Even at college--I'll let you be surprised at which one you end up at--there will still be plenty of boys. Also, it turns out it's not common for a guy to be 6-foot-anything outside of California, so don't get hung up on appearances. Not that you do, but just keep it in mind.

Just be patient. Seriously. No one likes a bitter teenager.

You are onto something with that boy you like now, though. He's definitely your type, but it has nothing to do with his race, I promise you. Leave him be because he probably does drugs, but keep that type in mind.

Happy Valentines Day, do something fun!

Love,
Brooke

On Fedoras

Wrong Ways for a Gentleman to Wear a Fedora

Mismatched. Color, style, everything. It just don't work, babe.

With most kinds of facial hair. 

With a general air of douchebaggery or misplaced confidence. The fedora should make sense with the outfit, not be thrown on as a hipster afterthought. 

The Right Way for a Gentleman to Wear a Fedora.

With an outfit that it actually goes with.

The same, but a casual example.

With genuine, hard-earned swagger. 

Chivalry is Alive...and Adorable.

Yesterday I needed groceries. Noelle and I walked to Broulim's together, but she had to take off for class before I had everything I needed (my list was a tad longer than hers). So I was left to carry three bags, two baguettes, and a gallon of milk by myself. The icing on this cake--I forgot my gloves. I felt really silly walking home in the cold. Partway down the street I hear someone clearing their throat. I step to the side and a kid in headphones zooms past me to get to campus. I guess I was walking kind of slow trying not to drop all my food in the dirty snow. My fingers hurt from the cold and the bag with my yogurt and steak sauce was starting to rip. At the top of my street, I ran into a gentleman who offered to help. I was too cold and flustered to say more than "yes. Thank you! What's your name?" I think his name was Tyler, but he saved me from dying and/or having a mental breakdown walking home from Broulim's, and I'm thankful that he did that for me.

I'd Like to See You Try.

How in the world am I supposed to do homework when my screen looks like this? 

I guess I could just wait 5 minutes for the desktop to change into something less irresistible. 

In Defense of Mr. Willoughby

I've mentioned before that I really cannot bring myself to hate Mr. Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility.


 Nobody else seems to like him. I got into an argument about it with a teacher once. We watched the movie version for Movie Night and the whole time my roommates kept asking me what in the world I saw in this guy. Marianne puts it quite nicely herself.


"That is what I like; that is what a young man ought to be.  Whatever be his pursuits, his eagerness in them should know no moderation, and leave him no sense of fatigue."

The guy's got a lot of passion.  He's charming and bright and everything a Marianne could possibly want. They share a passion for literature, for music, for life. He is absolutely captivating to her.

When he was present she had no eyes for any one else. Every thing he did, was right.  Every thing he said, was clever.  

 But his faults are by no means small. He ruined a girl's future and lost his fortune because of it. He abandoned love for money. He regretted it...

[...]But that he was for ever inconsolable, that he fled from society, or contracted an habitual gloom of temper, or died of a broken heart, must not be depended on--for he did neither.

Call me a fool, but I don't write him (and maybe guys like him) off. Past mistakes do not always require an unhappy future when dealt with properly. Mr. Willoughby didn't deal with it properly and was unhappy because of it. I've seen the Mariannes in my life lose their Willoughbys. I can forgive those guys. I really can. We all know that things work out very well for Marianne. While at first every reader wants him to be miserable forever, we know deep down that Mr. John Willoughby a good guy. He may have passed up the best, but he deserves some happiness. And I hope he finds it.

But You Can't Always Plan These Things, Can You?

Sometimes I'm just absolutely sure that "Plan B" is just a shortened form of "Plan Brooke."

I've been Plan B a few times too many. I sort of understand. It's kind of logical to have a Plan B. I have a Plan C. (It was C's idea.) But it's no fun to be Plan B, especially when Plan A is hanging by a thread one day and working out just great the next.

Almost exactly a year ago I was on a charter bus from Newark to New York City when I learned that I wasn't even anywhere near Plan B status to someone I cared a lot about. To him, I was dirt. Maybe it had been different before, but he had changed. When we got to the city, right at what was probably the most vulnerable moment of my life, someone else pulled me from the depths of heartbreak and an inability to ice skate. It doesn't really matter whether I was Plan B or Plan NYC,  it still sucked. A lot.

But what can you do? You never really get used to being Plan B, but initial recovery time shortens with every incident. And eventually "Plan Brooke" and "Plan B" won't be the same thing. It's all just a matter of time.

(I also had a really good picture to go with this, but it's on my parent's computer. Note to self--have a flash drive handy next time you sit down in front of Mom and Dad's computer.)

Anti-Valentine Quote-a-Day

"Well, here we all are, alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships! I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story and then get past it. Just blow through it. Yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly." ~Michael

Top Ten Reasons that This Week was the Best.

10. J'ai trouvé ma cloche!

I finally have the coolest hat in the world back. I lost it in my French class on the second day of class and didn't see until yesterday, when Sœur Passe-Carlus said she had it in her office.

9. Hair Color Fades!

My hair is a normal color! But I did turn the towels pink at the temple...

8. Nutella Cupcakes!

Found this recipe while stumbling around the internet on Thursday and couldn't help but trying them. And they are DELICIOUS. We ate them for breakfast. (Since they're self-frosting, you can totally pass them off as muffins.) I will definitely be making them again in the near future.

7. I've finally seen The Dark Knight all the way through!

When my family rented this when it first came out, no one ever told me when they were starting. So I always came in the middle. Then last semester I started it with the guys, but we only got halfway through before curfew. Then we watched it last night because their new roommate is just off his mission and hadn't seen it yet. Hurray for 1am curfew on Fridays!

6. I finally found a good place to study!

I have a hard time focusing on homework when Sven the Mac's 20-inch screen offers so many other options. And I don't like the library--too many people. But there is a lovely little secluded place in the Ricks Building (pictured above) perfect for reading and studying. This should increase my productivity by infinity.

5. The Hello Kitty Coloring Book

My mom sent a bunch of crayons up with me after Christmas Break and I had nothing to color! In my determination to remedy this, I bought a 288 page Hello Kitty coloring book. I almost got the Star Wars one, but it was part of that crap Clone Wars franchise. I am not ashamed of my new hobby. You're just jealous. 

4.Endless Jam Sessions.

My roommate Jenna the Music Ed Major brought an acoustic guitar up with her. Now we're both using it to teach ourselves to play. I remembered a few things from back when I actually practiced Francesca (my guitar that's been sitting lonely in my room for the past three years). My fingers are sore and covered in band-aids, and Jenna's thumb has turned funny colors from strumming with it. But it's way fun. Since Thursday, we've spent at least three hours a day taking turns playing. 

3. Getting things worked out.

Don't you worry your pretty little head about the details.

2. Hearing from two members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

Elder Russel M. Nelson gave the devotional on Tuesday and Elder. M. Russell Ballard More will be on my Rexburg Blog.

1. Getting my family's temple work done.

Unless I'm completely mistaken, this is my great-grandmother,(my mother's mother's mother) Margot. I was baptized and confirmed for her and for my great-great-aunt, (my mother's father's mother's sister) Anna. I'm so excited to keep tracing my mom's family line and getting their work done, too!

"I have a Fifth Sense. It's like I have ESPN or Something."

You know what I don't understand? Girls.

Not the way my brother Dallin* doesn't understand them. More like the way Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand them at the beginning of Mean Girls. I grew up with all brothers and mostly guy cousins and lots of guy friends and smart girlfriends. I can only think of two major instances of drama since 7th grade--one caused by a crazy "friend" and the other by a mom who jumped to her own conclusions about my motives. I did my best to handle it maturely and things were worked out in a timely manner. But I've recently become aware of some sort of secret girl code involving the rules of drama and crap like that. And apparently I've broken some recently.

Personally, I think it's pretty much the dumbest thing in the world. That whole culture is based on the assumption that every other girl is a petty slut. I'm glad I don't speak Girl. I'd rather speak Woman. Or Audrey Hepburn.

*A worse sister would include a picture from his first date last month. But that's Mom's job.

Songs to Sum Up 2009

"We don't live in a in a single song. We move from song to song, from lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. There is no ending here. It's an infinite playlist." ~David Levithan in Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Heroes and Thieves--Vanessa Carlton
Empire State of Mind--Jay-Z
"Coronation" Mass in C K.317--Mozart
Gravity--Sara Bareilles
Larger Than Life--Backstreet Boys
Magic--University of Chicago's Voices in Your Head
White Houses--Vanessa Carlton
I've Just Seen a Face--The Beatles
In-N-Out (Animal Style)--We the Kings
Home--Vanessa Carlton

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

I adore Jane Austen novels. She had great characters, great stories, and killer sense of humor. I've only read four of her six, but I'm getting Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey as late Christmas gifts for me.

I know sister-brother Chris hates Austen's style and can't understand why I like it so much, but he also enjoys Tolstoy.But I do think I know why we women like Jane Austen so much.

1. The Lifestyle

Women with any money or status in Austen's day had only a few duties: be pretty and accomplished so you can marry a nice rich guy and raise good kids. Sounds good to me!

2. The Men

Mr. Knightley. Colonel Brandon. Edward Ferrars.Mr. Willoughby (who I love despite his many shortcomings.) Captain Wentworth. Mr. Darcy. Need I say more?

3. We can RELATE.

Most women know what it feels like to have a secret they can't tell. Or how it feels to be led on. Or to maybe be in love for the first time. Or to be caught in a triangle. Or to really, truly, hate/love a guy. Or to play matchmaker and have it go wrong.Or to love and lose. So on and so forth. Austen finds a way for all of these to go right for the heroine and her loved ones. It gives us hope.

My favorite? Emma. #3 is a big factor for that. I see a lot of myself in Emma. I should be more like the heroine of my second favorite, Persuasion. Austen herself said that Anne Elliot was "almost too good for [her]." But I learn something about myself, those around me, and people in general when I read Austen novels. I could even sympathize with Fanny at the end of Sense and Sensibility! She's a horrid person, but it must suck to hate both of your sisters-in-law! Alright, I'm done now. I'm going to go read some more.

Oh! I forgot a few!

Alec Baldwin


Andy Bernard. Not Ed Helms. Andy Bernard. He had me at "Here Comes Treble."


Incidentally, they kind of look alike. So my mom thinks I'm a crazy woman. "Seth Meyers is just not cute!" she says. (False.) But someone has to be attracted to the guys who aren't "mainstream hot," right?

Grown-Up Christmas List

Yesterday  I mentioned my (occasionally) weird celebrity crushes. Here are a few of them.

Matt Bomer

(White Collar)

Jimmy Fallon

(Late Night)

Jason Sudekis

(Saturday Night Live)

Will Ferrell

David Boreanaz

Seth Meyers

(Saturday Night Live)

Anyone else see a pattern? That's right-most of them are wearing gray suits! Just kidding-nearly all of them are comedians. But I DO love when guys wear gray suits.

Also for Christmas: I'd like to not be allergic to this beautiful creature:

But remember kids! Christmas is about this guy:

Oh, I Didn't Tell You?

I'm in choir again. During the hike we stopped for a spiritual thought and sang. And I said to myself, "I really like this. I'm going to add Glee again."

And so I did. I'm having so much fun! The music is hard, but I'm my small group leader so I get to learn it as I help others learn it!

Also, I went on my first date. I had a great time, but the guy was kind of a baby afterward. I doubt I'll see much more of him.

Besides, I'm all backwards now. In high school, I wanted to date so much it hurt and I never did. Now I don't really care if I date at this point, even though I could probably find a date easy.

By the way, this movie is only a slight exaggeration.

 I have good classes and good friends. What more do I need?

False Alarm

Disregard my last post. Due to monetary problems, Connor can't go.

Is Reagan still available?

What Has Two Thumbs and a Really Cool Prom Date?

This girl!